I'm in the studio, silently judging Kelsey and Caleb's vocals.

We'll have some new music out soon, which is exciting! Josh OC is recording us for his senior project at McNally, which means its also free. Doing band stuff, if y'all didn't know, is epic expensive, so anything we can get gratis is a God-send. It'll be nice to be a little bit more guerrilla about this CD too. we'll be doing a lot more handing out of this one, and probably do a 'pay what you want' thing for selling it, Radiohead style. For once, we can let the financial aspect slide and just try to get the music out there whenever possible.

I have a student on my bus who I've been talking to about music and recording for awhile. He actually gave me some of his lyrics today to critique. It's really encouraging to see kids with real ambition. Maybe I'm just getting into premature teacher mode, but I do know that St. Paul schools are in trouble, and I just hope these kids can go on to do something with their life despite the fact that their schools are cutting programs left and right. I'm gonna pick this particular kid some literature from McNally tonight, because he mentioned he wanted to go to music school.

Also, My kindergartners are getting more awesome everyday. Communication is key!

Oh, and we officially have the band house! most of us signed the lease the other day and took an impromptu walkthough. I feel better about this house than any new living situation I've ever entered into!

Desmond is more important to the island than we can possibly imagine.

I've been fighting to stay in high spirits lately. I have limited time left for the things in my life that are less than enjoyable. However, the home stretch is often the part of the race that demands one's endurance the most.

I'm looking toward this summer, when things will change. Hopes for a new house, new job, new priorities, and acceptance to grad school are all rising, but I have nothing but time seperating me from this expected future. I'm the kind of person who likes to take efficient charge of my situation, and when other variables are involved that takes me out of control, it's usually a tough place for me to be. For instance, when somebody says 'Oh hey, i really need to talk to you about something important....but it can wait til later', I can lose my mind! It's just a quirk of mine, and maybe it has something to do with developing patience, but that is what I'm working on right now. I need to develop the endurance to let situations play themselves out, knowing I have nothing to do but wait and endure. That's how one's faith is developed, right?

So in these next 2 monotonous months, I'll be riding out this wave. It's tough because I see the light at the end of the tunnel as far brighter than the light I'm basking in now, but there certainly are things around me now to be joyous about. Potential new jobs are popping up for me, which is probably more than a lot of people can say in this day and age. That's probably the biggest thing, as well as the fact that I've been gainfully employed for the last 2 years. I have friends who I know care about me, and I'm taking more and more refuge in prayer and in God, something I've desired for a long time.

Anyway, a new week begins, and we'll see what it brings to the writer's pen.

Day #7

I certainly killed some brain cells inhaling so many noxious fumes (from household cleaners) today, but our house's kitchen, this morning a disaster area, is now an immaculate, unspoiled oasis of domestic tranquility and efficiency.

I used to get angry about messes, but I guess I just realized eventually that being upset, complaining, implicating, and justifying one's personal cleanliness doesn't clean up messes. It's best to just swallow your pride and serve someone else in this way. I've found that pretty much everything is better for it.

I just got back from the Wolves/Lakers game...and guess who didn't play?

thats right...#24

That was a bummer. All and all though, it was still quite fun . The Wolves actually ran with them, for the most part. Flynn had a very solid game, as did Darko Milicic (who we need to re-sign because he's our first true center ever). We pretty much run the exact same offense as LA, but it was amazing just how much more effortless it looked to them. They could take it to the basket, then quickly dish it out in a certain direction without looking. they are so in tune with their offensive strategy they know where all their teammates will be on the floor at any given time. If this wolves can understand the triangle like this team, things will start to look up.

anyway, It was a close loss, and a really fun 4th quarter. we couldnt pull off the W, but hey, every L brings us closer to drafting John Wall this summer!

Don't get cynical, ok. I'm allowed to write about basketball here too.

Haha

Yes band practice...No band practice...yes band practice...on and on and on.....Cancelled!

Haha....I really don't mind. that just seems to be how decisions are made sometimes. Sometimes we go through several versions of resolution before being confident in our choices.

I drive a route of kindergartners in the mornings, and I've come to realize that the portrayal of this age group in the classic cartoon "Recess" was more terrifyingly relevant than I could have possibly imagined. In the show, the kindergartners are portrayed as, for lack of a more delicate word, savages. Reference this episode...



They are very much creatures of instinct, and hard to communicate to. They climb over seats, punch either, bite each other, and run around like 28 Days Later zombies. I've been at a complete loss as to how to deal with them...until today.

I had taken to the habit of trying to ignore them for the most part unless there was a real problem. my job, afterall, is to watch the road and get them to school safely, not teach them valuable communication skills needed to become highly effective adults. However, today I happened to strike up a conversation about dinosaurs with one of them today, which led to more and more wanting to be involved, until the whole group of kindergartners were hanging on each others words about which is the best dinosaur, which is the best color, etc, etc. It was the most civil I've seen them act all year long, and I'm actually looking forward to coming back on monday to drive that route, because now i get to hang out with my crew, instead of just annoying kindergartners. As long as I keep talking to them, the more civil they'll be to each other.

haha That may have been somewhat corny. But whatever; I was much relieved by it, and it's always good to have a little extra joy in mundane tasks.

I have tickets for me and my brother to Wolves/Lakers tomorrow night. If I ever have a son, I'll be able to tell him that I saw the great Kobe Bryant play ball. It'll be a nice moment, Lord willing.

Also...i may have to write another post about how that Recess episode is obviously about slavery. They just don't make cartoons with secret, deep messages about society anymore.

Day #5

If this post seems disjointed, it's because I'm multitasking. It's important to be caught up on Lost.

Also I had a very long day of work, made far longer by a broken down bus, one of the chief potential hazards of my job. Ol' bus 617 seems to be the unluckiest bus in the fleet. Perhaps I should check if 'The Numbers' are written on any of the internal mechanisms (I won't write them here. Lost devotees will understand.)

We have band practice for the first time in weeks tomorrow. I'm getting excited for a new direction of AFA. Whether it's the new band house, or some of the new material we've been writing (some of which almost makes our old stuff obsolete), things are going to be different. I think it will be as more mature unit, less constrained by the constructs of a particular scene, or by fabricated obligations.

Lollapalooza's lineup this year is unbelievable. Soundgarden, Green Day, Lady Gaga, Switchfoot, MGMT, The Strokes, Phoenix, Yeasayer, The National, Golgol Bordello, Mute Math, AFI, Metric, The XX, Foxy Shazam, Mumford & Sons....I couldn't have contrived a better lineup in my wildest dreams.

I got nothing else right now. the 3 hours of sleep is catching up to me. I'll try to make up for it tommorow.

You All Everybody.

Day #4

Saw David Bazan last night.

This is a guy who, essentially, just wrote a 'breaking-up-with-God' record, and yet i have many Christian friends who went to this show and, if I'm not to bold to assume so, seemed genuinely inspired by his honesty and harsh perception of the challenge of faith. Believe me, between his lyrics and the occasional one-liner between songs, he did not pull any punches, and it is somewhat uncomfortable to approach these topics.

I don't really want to prove him wrong and misguided here, but I'd rather explore, just a bit, the strange fascination believers seem to have with disbelief.

Could it be that Xtian subculture doesn't really provide an atmosphere in which the doubter feels welcome? In the case of music, I've gone to many concerts in which performers who fancy themselves believers will sing out about their great love for their God. They'll lead thousands into rapturous states of worship and praise. I can imagine It would be very unpopular to present a song or speech about doubt...real, genuine doubt that rears its head day by day...to this crowd who would prefer affirmation to a contradiction.

I guess the fact that David Bazan inspires so many of my believing friends is because he opens up the discussion about doubt, and lets us ponder God in a very human way. Maybe some people, like Jacob, first need to wrestle the angel.

There were, however, some people at the show who don't feel the same way about the effect of Bazan's music. During the show, a kid in the crowd asked Bazan if he had any philosophers or theologians that he would recommend they read. a fair question, i thought; but my sentiments weren't by the hipsters in the corner who denied Bazan a chance to answer by responding to this kid's question with boo's.

This got to me. This music has clearly inspired someone to seek out the writer's opinions on other subjects. sure, maybe some more tact could have been exercised, but I don't think anyone should be berated for being galvanized by music that wrestles with spiritual issues. These hecklers, who clearly fancy themsleves the gatekeepers of indie rock decorum, are probably the same kind of people who will whine about like how they used to be MGMT fans before they got all popular and mainstream. Never mind being happy because they were nominated for a Grammy, right?

phew...I promise this wont become a rant blog. But you know....it'll hit the fan sometimes. I just wish scenes could become a little less polarizing...within and without.

Day #3

I don't wish upon anyone the feeling I got in the pit of my stomach when i thought that, for the next 2 months, i would have to spend 6 hours of my day driving without any music. No Ipod, radio...nothing!

The radio on my bus was on the fritz today, and, being in the habit of listening to either my aptly-compiled and named 'Bus' playlists on my Ipod or the entirety of Barb Abney and Mary Lucia's shows on The Current, I sank into an uncontrollable state of dazed indifference without the white noise of indie music; not a good state of mind to be in while performing a job that puts you behind the wheel of a screeching, yellow caravan of death.

Fortunately, after mindlessly fidgeting with the knobs and placement of the radio itself, i eventually got it to work again. I've never been so happy in my life to hear The Fray. Unfortunately, it's not a very reliable piece of technology, and the only way i can tune into The Current is to drive by MPR on Cedar & 7th in downtown St. Paul, quickly tune it to 89.3, and save it as a preset station. Slick, right?

When you get into such a routine, it's strange how it affects even your will to carry on in that same task when certain variables are introduced. I probably would have sooner driven my entire route on a segway if it had music, then a bus without. One could say i placed to much emphasis on a small part of the job, while others my understand the vital role music can play in a person's life. Silence can lose all of it's grandeur when it is forced upon me.

It did help me to understand how, in any case, I shouldn't really expect the expected. Life is made unique by breaks in routine, welcome or otherwise. I had to pray about that, actually. I had to be willing if God wanted to teach me something of solitude while working in the last 2 months of this school year. Maybe that wasn't specifically the case, but perhaps to learn more of myself and of God, I cant always be comfortable.

Ha...isn't that what is told to us about faith all the time? I guess it can be proven any number of ways.

David Bazan concert tonight. Pics are a possibility for next time.

(Upon reading through this again, doing my route on a segway might actually be legitimately awesome)

Day #2

The unique state of vacuous morality in which our world spins creates paradoxes that elevate greater truths out of the presence of the divine.

Or, in other words, God seems to get a kick out of letting all of the bad and weird in the world prove all of the good.

That was, in essence, the purpose of the cross, right? Jesus took the most intense torture and death upon Himself to let evil, basically, run itself out. Don Miller talks about this; Evil is a self sustaining entity, and thrives of the fact that as wickedness is committed, more wickedness will result. It fuels it's own fire as long as the provoked retaliates to his provocateur.

Jesus, however, did not retaliate. Instead, he let evil run itself out by destroying what was completely good and innocent. Without the intended result, there was nothing more that darkness could possibly do. Evil was spent, and God now has the power over death. So...the best offense was to throw the fight...in a very strange and provocative and beautifully noble kind of way.

To everyone who expected their savior to be a conquering hero, this must have seemed completely absurd, but this is not at all unlike God. He never seems to take the obvious route to achieve his ends. Those who He has chosen throughout history have all had a unique quality about them that makes it seemingly foolish that they would be fit for the enormous responsibilities before them.

Without being to overbearing and philosophical, I'm reminded at Easter that the world is fallen, which is why all of the bad happens. It's not God that orders earthquakes and tsunamis, or allows men's hearts to go to such dark places that lives are destroyed to sickeningly no end, but it's Him that compels us to be the strong, strange, surprising counterbalance to all of this heartache. Our sadness and pain needs to compel us to seek out our greatest joy. Us believers are strangers in the world, so let's act like it.

The Shadow Proves The Sunshine.

Day #1

Consistency is difficult to maintain when you keep it to yourself. I feel like individuals tend to fall off the bandwagons they try to construct on their own. It may have something to do with an innate desire to be affirmed in our actions and ideas, or maybe it's just unnatural to be passionate about something without letting it out. At least for me, keeping something to myself is usually a sure fire formula for any experience to lose it's significance. In expression, I can understand relevance.

That is why I'm challenging myself to write every day. What I say will be public, and, whether anyone cares to read or not, I can be motivated by the idea that what affects me day by day will be subject to a commitment to tell these stories and think on the relevance of both the sublime and mundane as they happen. There is no excuse, in an exercise like this, to count any day as insignificant. I have an obligation now to reap life's truth from even the most barren of experiences. My hope is that I will find them more fertile then I would have before.

So, if you care to read, I appreciate it to no end. Not necessarily because I want a large following for this blog, but because it will oblige me to you, and perhaps we both may harvest a further understanding of the endless issues and joys that fly under our radars. I can't promise that I will solve a grand mystery of life at every single post, but I can offer that nothing in this blog will simply touch anything at face value. I want this, also, to be about more than just fulfilling a self-imposed quota.

As it stands, it's war on the mundane by revealing it as no such thing.

Game on.

Just for fun, this song is amazing. I'm becoming a Peter Gabriel fan, and this was played on the last episode of 'Scrubs' i guess. Take a listen (Don't worry about the vid). Gorgeous.